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I'm a fan of meetings that are done right. If they are done right, they are critical to maintaining the flow of communication in a fast-moving organization. If they aren't done right, I hate them, hate them, hate them. They are a waste of time.
10 Commandments of Meetings
1. Make sure it’s absolutely necessary.
2. Include only the essential people.
3. Circulate an agenda prior to the meeting, stating the objectives and the topics, with a leader assigned and time allocated for each topic.
4. Strictly adhere to start and end times.
5. Stay on topic.
6. No side-conversations.
7. No interrupting.
8. Be efficient with words.
9. No laptops, phones, PDAs.
10. Conclude with a clear statement of decisions made, next steps, and individual accountabilities.
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Sometimes I think acknowledgment may be the solution to all of the world's conflicts. As a young trial attorney many years ago in Alaska, I volunteered as a mediator at a conflict resolution center in the community. The key to a successful mediation, in case after case, was acknowledgment. I found that parties in conflict wanted nothing, including money and property, more than acknowledgment. When parties received acknowledgment from me, the dispute could usually be settled about half the time. When the parties acknowledged each other, I never had a case that did not settle.
Two powerful types of acknowledgement are critical to connected communication. You use the first, feelings acknowledgment, when you communicate that you understand the feelings of the other. While empathy provides you with an understanding of the feelings of the other person, this type of acknowledgment closes the loop and communicates that understanding to that person. This is a tool for both speakers and listeners. Understanding that there is an equal and opposite reaction to every action, when you acknowledge the other's feelings, it almost guarantees that he or she will seek to understand your feelings. Just start asking other people how they feel and you'll be amazed at how they start asking you the same.
You use the second, message acknowledgment, when you as a listener understand the message of the other. It involves questioning the speaker and then summarizing the speaker's message to ensure the accuracy and meaning of what was perceived. Often referred to as "active listening," this type of acknowledgment is powerful because it communicates to the speaker that his or her message is important. When the speaker is acknowledged in this way, he or she is more likely to seek to understand your message.
The effect of each type of acknowledgement is profound. Just think about the times you have been acknowledged in a sincere way by someone whom you respect. It was probably immensely gratifying and made you very open to the other things that person was communicating to you.
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| Many years ago, one of my former partners at Montgomery Securities, John Skeen, gave me a practical approach to the process of persuasive communication. He pulled me aside after my first presentation to the partners. He said, "David, that was okay, but remember that every element-indeed every word-of every persuasive communication you ever make in a business setting must meet the following three criteria or it must be thrown out: it be focused, conclusive, and engender greed or fear. There is no time to be anything but on point. No one wants your details; just provide your conclusions. And embed the message with something that tugs on the basic needs of your listener." To this day, I edit my business communications accordingly. |
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| In the May/June issue of Motto magazine, Marshall Goldsmith, the legendary executive coach, talks about the leader who always has to add a little of his or her own ingenuity or twist to ideas generated by his or her direct reports. The problem is that while the leader may have improved the report's idea by 5%, he or she has reduced the report's commitment to executing it by 50% by stripping him or her of ownership of it. He calls it the "fallacy of added value" and it really rings true. I have seen this in operation many, many times...the leader who has to piss on an idea to make it his or her own, just like a dog would do in new territory, only to discover that his or her piss strips the original proprietor of any enthusiasm for playing in the new territory. Leaders, many times, more than you think, it is good to shut up and let your people gallop. |
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| In response to a April 16, 2007 Business Week reader's question about telecommuting, Jack and Suzy Welch replied that it’s great except where you have eyes on a leadership track. Simply put, it kills your climb. True connected communication, much like it implies, requires a complete connection, including a look-me-in-the-eye, read-my-body-language nexus. People need to see how you operate in person before you'll gain sufficient credibility to lead them effectively. |
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| Winston Churchill, in a short essay entitled The Scaffolding of Rhetoric, outlined what he considered four keys to effective communication. First, use correct diction, and as few words as possible. Second, employ a cadence and rhythm, which makes what you say much more listenable. Third, develop an argument, bringing forward a series of facts all pointing in the same direction, so that the end is in view before it is reached. Fourth, use analogies liberally. Finally, put it in writing, but remember the first point about brevity. Although he doesn’t mention empathy, it appears that was a given in everything Churchill did. He was amazingly open. He changed political parties twice and changed his mind about a number of important issues. This openness allowed him to understand the feelings of those he led, and lead accordingly. |
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| A friend of mine, in discussing relationships, brought up the concept of the A-R-C Triangle. He said, in essence, every relationship is a three-legged stool. One leg is affinity. Another is reality. The third is communication. If any one of the three goes awry, the relationship falters. And the faltering of one cannot be overcome by either of the other two. Think about it. With every relationship in your life that works or doesn't work, you can find the reason in the A-R-C Triangle. Of the three, communication is probably the one we are best able to control. Thus, if we want good relationships, we better be consummate communicators. To emphasize this even more, in an existence that consists of a system of relationships, effective communication is nothing less than a critical survival tool. |
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